04.26.19

third times a charm?

Here we go again. Surgery round 3... I was very nervous for this one. It felt like something looming over my head as I finished the spring semester of my sophomore year. Getting through finals and acting normal around the team was tough. But, alas, I told them about 3 weeks before the surgery date. It was also at this practice that I decided to throw for what could be the last time. Yes, it was very painful, but also very liberating. At that moment, I wasn't hurt, I was just playing catch.

Surgery was going to take place during what the University of Redlands calls "may term break". It's essentially a week off from the last day of school till the beginning of the first day of may term classes. May term is basically a month of focusing on one course. It’s a great way to immerse yourself in a concentrated area of study. I signed up to take an English graphic narrative course. It was going to be tough bouncing back into school a week after surgery. But, I was more worried about actually getting the surgery. And just like before there were LOTS of opinions.

Parents

Let me start by saying that all parents want the best quality of life for their children. That being said, what they want out of life may be different. This was true with my parents. In their mind, I had already gone through two painful and invasive surgeries that "didn't work". So, why risk adding more pain and repercussions? Let softball go, school and the future is more important. And my mom said not to do it because she's a bit of a worry wort but, I love her for it.

It was rough hearing my dad tell me to not get the surgery just for softball purposes, even though my surgeon was very certain I would bounce back to the field shortly after. You see, my dad was the reason I ever even heard of softball. He was the one to put the ball in my hand and say throw it as hard as you can. He was my first coach. How could he tell me to let it all go when I felt so close to fulfilling our shared goal? Seeing me playing for a college softball team.

SURGERY DAY name of surgery: ulnar nerve transposition

This time my mom and boyfriend took me

to the hospital for check-in. We were all in this together, and it was the first time Cal was going to be there for me right out of surgery (he had baseball out of state all the other times). I felt very ready and supported. After all the discourse, my parents and I got on the same page. We all wanted the pain to get better. Not just for softball, but because I was tired of it. I wanted to return to who I was and just be young and active.

The nurse came and grabbed me. I changed into my hospital gown and the best socks ever (yes I like hospital socks, the little stickies on the bottom lol I'm a klutz). Now, it was time for the IV. It took two tries on my forearm and then finally they put it in my hand (which is super uncomfy) Next was getting dosed up with the anesthesia. Fun fact, the more surgeries you have the more anesthesia is needed to keep you under. AND... smoking weed makes your tolerance against anesthesia go up. So, the anesthesiologist had met with me prior to the surgery date and knew that they would need to carefully increase little by little. Well, I remember everything before I went under, this time. I still felt pretty awake as I hugged and kissed my mom and boyfriend before getting wheeled into the operation room. "Um, guys I'm still here like conscious and a bit too aware of what's bout to happen". The nurse giggled and said, "don't worry we are going to monitor your meds and increase them soon. you won't be awake much longer". She then proceeded to ease my mind, "Don't be nervous hun. Dr. Riedel is amazing, he's pretty much rebuilt my arm and I'm doing great. (she showed me her beautiful and gnarly scars) You are in great hands. Plus 3rd times a charm!". Another nurse came in and began placing the adhesive leads to monitor my vitals during the procedure. "You know my daughter plays softball too. She actually had the same surgery you're going to have. Dr. did a great job and she was able to get back on the field". And as they were applying the iodine to my right elbow I drifted under...

Coming out of surgery I remember waking up and seeing another patient across from me. We waved and laughed all loopy, I saw that he had jello and said, "what?! I want jello". My mom laughed and handed me apple sauce that the anesthesiologist had given to her for me to eat as soon as I woke up. Well, I hate applesauce. I threw a minor fit and demanded jello haha. Cal walked in the curtain laughing saying, "yep that's my girlfriend". See, I had to eat something in order to get my dose of painkillers. They were very strong cuz of my tolerance and I am very sensitive to medication. So, they forced me to eat the damn apple sauce.

As I was eating, Dr. Riedel came in and explained how the surgery went. "Well, we moved it kiddo. I saw severe scarring around the nerve and UCL so we had to clean that up which is why the surgery took 2.5 hours rather than the 1.5 we had planned for. Your new 'funny bone' is now your bicep so be careful adding pressure. You might feel the nerve tingles and pain as hypersensitive for the week as they "wake back up". You may also feel that tugging or tightness in the nerve path for a couple of months until it settles in its new home. And last, but not least, you won't be able to straighten your elbow for about two weeks. All the muscle we had to cut through is healing still so it will be too inflamed to stretch. But, everything went smoothly. I think your gonna be ok kiddo, see you in two weeks to check on your new scar and overall progress of sensation in your hand"'.

Recovery Week

The plan was that mom would stay for the weekend and then fly back home. Cal was also enrolled in a May Term course so he would be with me the rest of the month. The hardest part though? The week after the surgery, Cal had to return to baseball practices and I was left alone during the day. All of my roommates had decided not to enroll in May Term. So, I had to find ways to distract myself from the pain. I went through copious amounts of television series and movies... after about two days I was bored out of my mind. The nerve pain was horrible. One thing I've learned is that nerves do not like to be messed with. And, the more you mess with it the more hypersensitive it becomes. This was especially true for me. Sensitivity to the cold increased and as the nerve continued to "wake up" the pain got worse. Yes, Dr. Riedel gave me painkillers, but they weren't cutting it. Well, this is why. Back in 2018, the CDC changed the opioid to acetaminophen ratio. Basically, they increased the amount of acetaminophen and decreased the potency of the opioid in hopes to reduce the opioid crisis. This sucked. Suddenly my medication wasn't strong enough and my pain was way past my threshold. The solution? Smoke more weed. Since I wasn't in school I leaned more on weed rather than medication, and well, weed became my preferred medication. I talked to my chronic pain doctor about it and he was on board. He agreed that a person my age should not rely on painkillers, better to go with a more natural approach. I also decided to start weaning off of gabapentin and try something new. We added more baclofen and meloxicam to combat the inflammation.

Oh, the inflammation. It was terrible. it felt like I had a constant blood pressure machine squeezing my bicep and elbow. My fingers would turn purple... My hand would twitch even more... and i just felt like a Cheeto (cuz of the iodine lol) puff. It was incredibly difficult to keep it elevated so I wouldn't lose as much blood flow to my fingers. Sleep became more of a struggle trying to find a comfortable and elevated position for my arm... Tossing and turning all night.