canna get a break?

pain makes you feel desperate.. so desperate that you might feel the need to dissociate... that's the scariest part

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Staying away from opiate use was much easier said than done, especially having to use them every year for surgery. Any initial surgery-related pain I trusted my doctors to tell me to use the opiates as needed within the first week of recovery. I was already starting to feel the sense of addiction creeping back in... So, yes I used oxy a lot that week but having to wean off of them while in the same amount of pain, felt helpless. My first two years dealing with chronic pain were a blur, and it made the time pass since the pain was managed, but I have so many gaps in my memory from that time. Any time I started to feel like opiates were the way through the pain, the easier way, I would remind myself of the amount of negative side effects I suffered through daily. Disassociating from pain is a great tool for pain management, but do it every day, every 4-6 hours, and it makes you feel detached from your inner self without you even realizing it. This is what happened to me.

I became someone my close friends and family couldn't recognize. So, I just trusted that cannabis aided me in this withdrawal and dependent phase once before, Why couldn't it help this time? Well, tolerance became the main obstacle to achieving pain relief equivalent and as potent as opiates. My weed vape pen wasn't cutting it, but when I was living at home during those few months post-op from my TOS surgery, it was all I had. I decided to venture into a dispensary on my own for the FIRST time!! I turned 21 in July in the midst of COVID, most people dream about going bar hopping, but nah for me, it was dispo time!!!

I went in and essentially dumped my whole medical history on the budtender. (TIP: a good budtender will NEVER rush you or push "hype" products with low dosages and high prices) She advised me to switch up how I was ingesting cannabis in order to achieve body pain relief, rather than focusing on a psychoactive high. I must have spent at least an hour chatting with her about the endocannabinoid system and how different cannabinoids soothe some ailments more than others. I decided to incorporate edibles (gummies AND capsules full of variations of CBD, CBG, CBN), sublingual tinctures, topical lotions, and smoking actual cannabis flower and dabs (shatter, butter, wax). The one product that made this transition flawless?? the PAX vaporizer!

This little device is oh-so efficient, potent, and discreet. It can vaporize flower and dab material! While snooping around at the dispensary, I learned that some strains are better than others. For someone with chronic inflammation and neuropathy, I was told that heavy sativa strains would exacerbate those symptoms. So I stay loyal to indica-leaning hybrids. I noticed an extreme drop in my anxiety levels, and the body highs helped me feel like I was floating, rather than the usual heavy, throbbing ache. Yes, I was smoking throughout the day and night, but unlike my high dosages of opiates, I was functional. In fact, I felt ten times more like myself. This was the first time since 2017 that I felt independent. Just like any medication, tolerance buildup does become a bit of an issue. More tolerance + more cannabis = more money. Instead of maxing out nerve medication and muscle relaxers, I would smoke. My personality came back, I no longer felt in a daze, just trying to survive the pain each day.

For times when I needed pain relief from the rib cage and coughing felt terrible, I found a family owned cbd company based out of San Diego, Neurogan. Their immense variety of cannabinoids and doses gave me so many options on how to best tackle my pain. My four favorite products from them are the CBG edibles, the non menthol cbd topical lotion, chamomile cbd tea, and their RSO capsules.

These all allowed me to fly under the radar about ingesting cannabis since at the time my parents weren't exactly thrilled due to how they grew up stigmatizing cannabis.

The most important distinction I had to make for my sanity, was to truly understand the difference between dependency and addiction. When I was using opiates daily, I felt this desperation to take my dose in order to feel happy and pain-free. As the opiates began to wear off, I was already counting down the minutes for when I could "re-up". I didn't think I could get through my day without opiates in my system, and whenever I would try to wean off, the depression, anxiety, and pain spikes would continue. You see the way opiates work is by activating specific receptors that block painful signals from reaching the brain. However, with long-term use, it can actually cause more harm than good. When these medications are taken for long periods of time, our bodies (as a defense mechanism) try to overcome these blocked signals by activating other pain signals and pathways, a phenomenon known as hypersensitization. It's a double-edged sword, trying to manage pain without adding new symptoms. This is when addiction becomes a major concern, always chasing peak dissociation, short-term dopamine, and pain relief.

While using medicinal cannabis, a dependency was formed. Yes, I needed it to sleep, ease nausea, and increase my appetite. My appetite.... was a real concern, especially since I was cleared to bike. I was now burning more calories than digesting them. BUT, I never felt like I was waiting around for my next smoke. In fact, it allowed my mind to wander onto positive distractions. It sparked my creativity and motivation to stay active. It also eased my increasing anxiety, especially at night. My panic attacks became more manageable with a deep inhale of some weed to exhale any worry and bad mojo. I began to set a routine for myself, nightly candle-lit yoga smoke seshes. Staying still was very difficult for me since all my muscles and joints constantly ached and spasmed, but I would try to stay present while doing diaphragmatic breathing exercises. I got the idea from my chiropractor and massage therapist. The more I stretched, the better I felt. Despite my pain, I felt more like myself, not taking opiates. I didn't want to turn back to the opiate-dopamine-dependent zombie.

Due to my fear of opiate addiction, my pain management doctor introduced me to a "newer" medication being used for fibromyalgia, MS, lupus, RA, hypersensitive CNS, and uncontrolled inflammation. It was a medication called low-dose naltrexone, aka LDN. Now, since I am not a medical professional, I shall rely on Google for a quick and easy explanation: "LDN acts as an opiate receptor blocker, which triggers the body's natural production of endorphins and enkephalins to reduce chronic inflammation and regulate the immune system to provide pain relief. LDN also modulates microglia cells in the CNS severly reducing neuroinflammation." I decided to go for it! Why not give it a try if it could really help me? The only thing I was worried about was side effects, since I tend to be on the more sensitive side to trying new medications and even changes in doses of past meds. Some of the side effects included vivid dreams (nightmares), headaches, nausea, diarrhea, night sweats, and a possibility of depression/anxiety spikes in the beginning. My dr let me know that to really give it a try, I needed to be on LDN for at least 3 months before "giving up" on it. With school coming up, I wanted to get ahead of any side effect sickness and begin taking LDN asap, however, because of my anxiety and depression that was already very prevalent, he referred me to a psychiatrist to have a guide throughout the mental toll (which tends to be a requirement for this medication, at least in my own experience). So, at least there was a plan of attack for my pain, pain therapy, and LDN!