hello there....

the horrid stench, the "gateway" drug, the holistic healer, the stoner

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Sorry mom and dad, once again haha. Here's the story of how weed changed my life for the better.

My first impression of friends who used cannabis was that they were only doing it for one reason and one reason only: pure shits and giggles. And while that is a big reason why it isn't the only reason why weed was used. Growing up and attending Catholic private schools the only thing I learned about weed was that it was highly addictive and dangerous. Basically the whole "hugs not drugs". Yes, it's a very valid lesson to teach young kids, but it made me wary of anything and especially anyone having to do with weed. This all changed when one of my closest guy friends chose to start smoking.

When we first met, in junior high Max struggled with his ADHD. After trials of medication switches, going through all the ups and downs, the terrible side effects, he looked for some extra help. The worst side effect for him was his stomach issues and anxiety; lack of appetite, nausea and you know what else. So, with the help of his mom and his doctors, they started to come up with a plan. Max received his medical marijuana card in high school (MMIC) and from then on the world of medicine opened up. His anxiety and stomach issues were relieved and he was much much happier. Not to mention balancing his side effects while taking his medication and learning what kinds of cannabis help forced him to become hyper-aware of his own body.

This is what saved him from his own frustration of feeling like his ADHD was controlling his life. It's also what I remembered the minute my pain management Dr. asked if I had ever used marijuana solely for its medicinal properties. My answer was no, but I was aware of how it could be used as a medication and not just recreationally. He went on to explain how the many side effects I was experiencing from my medication could be relieved by ingesting cannabis without negatively impacting how the medications work. I was immediately intrigued and asked about the steps to get my own MMIC. This is where statutes against marijuana from the past have screwed over the millions of people it could help. Marijuana is classified as a Schedule 1 substance, meaning the government has deemed it as a drug with a high potential for abuse without any accepted medical benefits. Along with marijuana in Schedule 1 are drugs such as heroin, LSD, and ecstasy. The main differences between cannabis and the others? Cannabis is not addictive and it won't kill you. Regardless, hospitals have strict policies that keep their doctors from referring or administering an MMIC, except in cases where cancer is involved. As my pain management Dr. put it, "hospital boards hear cancer and think that is the worst thing for the body, so giving cannabis to a cancer patient is like adding another "negative" to one "negative" to spin it into something positive for the patient. Not to mention the hundreds of studies now done that show how the increase in appetite and reprieve from pain and nausea help patients fight for hope."

I was immediately intrigued... I mean how could I not have been? The possibility of getting a reprieve for even just a little bit was enough. But, there's always a catch. Loma Linda Hospital sees itself as a Seventh Day Adventist institution (a.k.a. super religious branch of Christianity) which means they do not believe and are not legally allowed to administer an MMIC. So, I was informed "off the record" that medicinal cannabis could be helpful for me but couldn't find anyone to actually help me start the MMIC process. To make things harder, I was still underage at the time. Back to square one... how do I find someone to help me get what I need?

Introducing, teammate Nicole, the original stoner(: She was the first person that I met in college that used cannabis as a medication and even shared it with her parents, haha. Nicole has really bad anxiety, ADHD, and hip and shoulder problems. She struggled to keep her anxiety about schoolwork & exams under control so she could focus. Growing up Nicole's mom had suffered from chronic pain due to familial hip issues and knee replacements, so weed was never seen as a terrible drug in her household. They were open about it all with her and from my perspective, this benefitted Nicole in more ways than one. Not only did she feel safe enough to try it with her mom, but speak to her about what it meant to be a functional and safe cannabis user.

The more my side effects of baclofen and gabapentin increased, the more I needed something to change and get better. The gabapentin especially was a doozy. If not taken at the same time every day, three times a day, withdrawal kicked in. Withdrawal included mood swings, nausea, lack of appetite, migraines, and last but not least, brain fog. Within 15 minutes of taking my two pills of gabapentin for my first round of doses in the morning, I would feel super giggly, antsy (like adrenaline shakes) brain fog it out, and then crash, hard. During the summer this was all fine, but once school started up it was hard to maintain, on top of every other side effect. It was hard to focus and fully function (like driving) on the medication, but my pain was better. Off the medication, it was hell pushing through burning nerve pain, the inability to use my right hand, spotty sleep, and oh yea, withdrawal. I had experienced withdrawal from pain medication before, specifically tramadol since I was on it for the first several months of my injury, but nothing compared to this. Anxiety and depression skyrocketed in between doses, making seeing the silver lining of life more and more difficult. So, I decided to make a change. I pursued medical cannabis as an option.

I started "chronically" smoking late in my sophomore year (with the help of Nicole). The first thing I did was research a ton of different companies and brands to find the one that I felt had the safest and most effective cartridges'. Introducing the brand that Max had put me on, Select.

Yep, I pretty much only smoked pens because of dorm life and living at home with the family. I found it to be the only medication that gave me a reprieve without any negative side effects. My appetite went up so I was able to take the full dose of my medications throughout the day. I would smoke my wax pen whenever I felt nausea, headaches, mood swings, and nerve tingles coming on strong. The combination of gabapentin to calm my messed-up ulnar nerve in my arm and weed to keep my body calm was magical. I flourished and even grew physically stronger. How do you ask? Well, weed would help me feel energized despite being in pain, which in turn would inspire me to move my body in whatever way felt good. Not to mention that movement also helped painxiety. (my fun word for pain anxiety)So things like physical therapy, yoga, going for long walks, and even riding the stationary bike became fun once again. Despite the terrible suggestion I got from EMG results and the Dr, I was not going to give up being an athlete until my surgeon said I have to stop.

As I went into junior year, I learned how my body functioned while under the influence of cannabis over the summer break, now it was time to balance my new medication with a busy school routine. Over the summer I had finally regained some sleepless nights, but this came as a consequence of sleeping in late. I'm not going to lie this was tough at first. Between waking up for morning weights and ensuring all my work was done on time for the next day of classes, my schedule was packed and my body was fried. The groggy feeling in the mornings from my medication and weed from the night before was the hardest to push through, but it had to be done. I was determined to make my junior year the year that I would finally get back to the one thing I missed the most, softball. And man was I excited.

Regardless of my anxious need to play again, I still had to remind myself to prioritize keeping my body as healthy as possible. Remember how the EMG Dr. had given me a topical cream for nerve pain? Yea, it sucked. It was sticky and ineffective after 5 minutes of application. So, on the search, I went. My mom helped me out a bunch. She first got me two products from Papa & Barkley. (this is not an ad, just sharing an experience) The first was their CBD Releaf Balm.

I remember the day I tried this like it was yesterday... Let me first say that one should ALWAYS read the label first. If I had done so, I would have seen some ingredients that my nerve sorely hates; tea tree, peppermint, and menthol. My nerve doesn't do ice or cold weather, so any product like BioFreeze only made my pain worse. This buttery cream is a lavender-stoned cousin of BioFreeze. Moments after applying the lotion I ran to shower crying that it was burning my nerve. Sorry for the wasted 30 dollars mom....

Next up were their CBD/THC sublingual Releaf Drops.

I was fascinated with the idea of a sublingual drop because it is the epitome of being functional, especially in school. These drops don't make you feel the head high, only a concentrated and heightened body high. Yup, you guessed it, floaty body vibes. Within 15 minutes of ingesting the drops, the nerve pain edge diminished and I could use my hand for school. Now, I do want to mention that the taste is earthy, to say the least, so mixing it with sweet tea or smoothies is also a lovely option.

Since the Papa & Barkley balm didn't work for my nerve, I went online to find more companies with topical options. Finally, I found my favorite company, Yummi Karma. More specifically, their topical cream line HIGH GORGEOUS.

Let me just say that this cream is pure magic. No peppermint, tea tree, or menthol. This lotion has lavender, chamomile, and the good good. The wonderful women who own and made this product were right to name it in your dreams. Not only does it soothe inflammation and nerve pain, but it also makes you feel sleepy. So, it became my second layer of skin... hahaha. I would carry it with me to class, practice, and even on flights in the US. It was time to throw away the one from the Dr. and invest in something

pictured: HIGH GORGEOUS 2022 rebrand, different lotion name, same wonderful lotion

that actually works. And this investment is the key. This lotion goes for 30 dollars whereas the one from the doctor was 65. Plus, if you have HSA or flex spending with medical, well your CBD cream is covered (unlike any other medication)! You would think that this Dr. would understand all the reasons why I wanted to stop refilling a prescription that doesn't help, but this was sadly not the case. The Dr. ignorantly believed that it was impossible for her cream to not work. It was "all in my head".

The stigma surrounding cannabis and all its wonderful products is one that leads people to shallow assumptions of your character. Stoners are coined as lazy, unintelligent, and habitual drug users. First, let me tackle the habitual drug use stigma first. Yes, weed is a drug, and yes I use it, but I also use drugs given to me by my doctors. However, it doesn't mean that just because someone uses cannabis they are automatically hard drug users. This distinction is something that many do not understand due to past and still present legal limitations. As for the lazy and unintelligent part, well all I can say is people have free will. If one chooses to indulge in a "lazy" day or activity while high, then so be it, there might be an underlying reason. Or even if someone just wanted to do nothing for the heck of it then whatever, it's up to the smoker what intentions they have prior to using cannabis. At the end of the day, the most important thing is listening to your body, not anybody else. I made a promise to myself that I would do just that, advocate for myself, all the symptoms, pain, side effects, and emotions. Everything I was going through was real and valid. So, when friends and even teammates began to question my judgment simply based on the fact that I was now a stoner on top of being physically limited, it sparked a flame.